Sexy shoes are so last year

Can it truly be? We've never before had conclusive proof of how things flit in and out of fashion. Previously we assumed it had something to do with the disturbed nightmares of certain deranged ladies carrying handbags that could wipe out third world debt. It turns out that we were wrong, though. Fashion, style, what's 'hot', what's 'not' and what's 'so last year' is determined purely on whether or not Gwyneth Paltrow wears it.

We feel sorry for Gwynnie - some of her shoes are extremely pretty. But it would seem that the venomous nest of hissing vipers that is 'womankind' has now decided that stilettos are sexy no longer. Flats are where it's at. This comes as something of a relief to those of us who want neither twisted ankles nor expensive chiropody.

For a while there it looked like things might be getting a bit extreme, what with the introduction of Ballet Boots into the mainstream. Likewise with these bone-shatteringly absurd pumps which, as far as we can tell, have no practical or aesthetic value whatsoever. For the record, Glitter's esteemed opinion on this footwear is that it is appropriate only in a sexily humiliating situation - and it should never ever be seen on the red carpet or even, God forbid, in a Beyonce video. This for fear of young gentlemen imploding with lust, and young women desperately trying to emulate it in the hope that they will become even more erotically crippled in the attainment of beauty ideals.

But enough of this ethical debate. It's Friday. Strap on your ankle-wreckers and begone to the pub.

Photo courtesy of johnbullas on Flickr.

Written by Nikki on 25 Apr 2008 6:09 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink