Our Glittery Opinion
In Our Opinion: The Truth About Professional Seduction
This week, we've spent some time with people who are 'professional seducers'. People who get paid to teach men how to hit on women (does no-one offer the service the other way around? Let us know). Now, we've tried really hard to stay open-minded on this, but we did have one question which kept bugging us:
How would we feel if these techniques were used on us?
Imagine: you've met a really great guy in a bar. You've been talking for a while. You're getting on really well. He seems to be trying to understand you and, for once, he actually seems to be listening to what you have to say.
So how would you feel if you found out he had been trained how to talk to you? That he'd spent money to learn how to get your phone number? Or that one of the patterns he'd learnt was called an 'F close' and he was hoping to 'close' you later that evening?
And how would you feel if you were being hypnotised? Seriously. We've spoken to a seduction school this week where hypnotherapy techniques are freely taught for use on women. Now, to our knowledge, these tactics have never been used on us, but how would we know? True, there's something pathetically comical about a saddo trying to "hypnotise" a girl in a bar, but there's a really dark side to that as well. If we're not in control of our minds, if we're being manipulated, are we in control when we say yes to sex? Where does seduction end, and manipulation begin? And when does manipulation turn into rape?
Maybe we're taking it too seriously. Maybe we should take comfort in the fact that men are so scared of women that they're prepared to pay for advice on how to handle them. But all we can say is, if we found out this was being done to us, there would probably be a rather nasty stiletto-in-jugular incident.
We do think it's laughable that trainers can have so much self-belief that they become so armoured against the feelings of the people they're "seducing". They're lacking the humility that makes people attractive in the first place. And that's the tactic they're teaching men.
So perhaps that's not that scary after all. Just pathetic.
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4 Comments
Have a look at any women's magazine and you'll find countless articles on how to read, influence or manipulate men. There are numerous books, classes and talk shows and all geared towards teaching women how to better interact with, understand and get what they want out of men. Why such an emotional reaction when men start to do the same?
Being good with women isn't a god given talent. Like all behavior it is learned through experience, environment and effort. Many men haven't "naturally" developed these skills and so just as you go to a teacher of any skill you lack, they are taking the brave step to swallow their pride and try to understand the process of attraction between the sexes. You think that's pathetic? I think it's pathetic that you support the status quo whereby arrogant alpha males have a birth right to the best women and genuine guys with a lot to offer who just need a little help presenting and expressing themselves get passed over and shamed into feeling they need to fatalistically accept their lot in life.
Every single person uses "routines" in every aspect of their behavior. We all repeat stories, opening lines and time worn questioning patterns. By learning how to ask better, more interesting questions, how to listen effectively, how to express your romantic interest; you are ensuring that an interaction is as comfortable and stimulating as possible. That is not manipulation, it's just making the best of what you have to offer.
Clearly Sian you set out to denigrate this profession well before you started your research and your dismissive reactionary judgments based on choosing the most extreme sensationalist opinions possible show your lack of journalistic integrity and ability.
Wow, I have an opinion and my journalistic integrity is questioned?
Maybe I'll just go and sit at a bar and wait for a man to hit on me instead.
James - some good points, especially the first paragraph. But a little out of order to attack someone's integrity and ability for a piece clearly marked (twice) as a personal opinion.
Sian published three articles on this subject. Two were interviews with representatives of the profession, and painted a positive picture. The third was more critical. I'd say there's a nice balance there.
An interesting and thought-provoking series of articles there. Nice one.
For what it's worth, I'm not a huge fan of any type of training (or other influence) that encourages people to become 'less genuine' (for want of a better term). What effect does this sort of training have on someone's self-esteem, if they are taught that the only way that they can be liked is if they pretend to be someone else?
Maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick, and that's not what this 'seduction' training does at all. But there seems to be some sort of implicit undertone of 'trickery' involved here, which seems to undermine the training's essential motives.
And if it's just about helping guys get laid, what is the real value in helping them do so under false pretences? Maybe this is an overly-simplistic point of view, but what is the point of a guy spending large amounts of money to learn the ability 'trick' women into bed? Presumably, if a guy really wanted to sleep with a girl without any personal attachment whatsoever, he would be able to so so much more cheaply (and consentually) by just paying for those services directly? Don't get me wrong - I'm no fan of prostitution, but for the type of guy who is willing to pay large amounts of cash to sleep with women who don't really know him, at least this would be a (somewhat) 'consentual' option.
Anyway, nice round-up Sian. I can certainly empathise with the reservations that you have with this whole grimy business. It leaves a bad taste in the mouth. But be careful of sweeping generalisations, such as: "men are so scared of women that they're prepared to pay for advice on how to handle them". I'm no statistician, but I suspect that this applies to an incredibly small percentage of the male population, and it's not really fair to tar all of male-kind with that brush. Some (or most) of us are more-or-less just genuine guys, believe it or not!